The Teddy Bear
by Read-Write-Review-and-Revise
Summary: A Revise and Write story. Our first shot at a parody. Hope you enjoy! Oneshot.


**Disclaimer:** Everything you recognize belongs to J.K. Rowling. EXCEPT THE LIMA BEANS!

**A/N:** WARNING! Major OOCness and weird times lie ahead. Turn back now before it's too late. (In other words, _yes_, it's intentionally weird...)

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It was an average day at the Potter household – well, as average as any magically influenced house could be.

The children were playing in the yard and the wife was doing the wash. Everything was relatively normal, until…

"GINNY!!" a voice bellowed from upstairs. "Where's my teddy bear!?"

Clothes scattered all over the carpeted floor as Ginny Potter spun around, absolutely mortified. She didn't dare to think the worst, but after a moment, marched upstairs anyway.

She peered into the master bedroom, which was in total disarray, much to her dismay. Her husband was currently searching under the bed, apparently looking for something.

"Harry James Potter, what _are_ you _doing?_" Ginny said shaking her head slightly.

"I'm looking for my teddy bear," Harry replied, as if it was the most natural thing on Earth.

"_Surely_, you mean Lily's teddy bear," Ginny said skeptically.

"No, _my_ teddy bear," he said, as if stating the obvious.

"Harry, you _are_ aware of the fact that you're twenty-nine years old, right?" Ginny stated slowly.

"So…what's your point?" Harry retorted defensively, continuing to rummage through parcels. "Aha, there you are!"

What Ginny saw could hardly be described as a teddy bear. It was more like a raggedy fluff ball with one eye and – were those – _claw marks?_ Ginny shuddered at the thought.

_So _that's _what the source of the fluffy fuzz at the bottom of the sheets has been. I've been wondering about that!_

"Harry, I'm going to have to take Mr. Teddy for a while."

"YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM! And his name isn't" – Harry made a disgusted face – "_Mr. Teddy. _It's Mr. Yellow Banana Slug Hedwig II Fluff Ball Peanut Butter Voldie Moldie Shorts Jingle Bells Roonil Wazlib Peek-a-boo Weasley is Our King Dusk Gred and Forge Norbert (ahem, Norberta, now) Mollywobbles Butter dish Weasel Scarhead Potty Garlic Snivellius Rubber ducky Glue gun Petey the Dragon Gryffinpuff Slytherclaw Rubber band Jr. Saint Patrick's Day Sr. Ginny."

"When was that last addition made?" Ginny asked, raising a delicate eyebrow.

"Oh, _you know_, sometime around sixth year," Harry stated simply.

"Right, well I'm going to have to take Mr. Banana – Hedwig – er – the teddy bear."

"NO!"

One green eye twitched.

One brown eye twitched.

One green eye twitched.

One brown eye twitched.

One green eye twitched.

One brown eye twitched.

"STOP THAT!"

"What?" Ginny asked innocently.

"Peek-a-boo!" little Lily Potter II popped out of the closet.

"Follow the butterflies," little Albus Severus Potter wandered into the room and stretched out his arms as if reaching for a pair of butterflies.

"Haven't you got anything in the refrigerator to eat other than lima beans?" said a voice directly behind Ginny, causing her to jump half a foot and turn to see Ron leaning against the wall expectantly.

"Ron, when did _you_ get here?"

"Mum! Uncle Ron's here!" hollered James running into the room.

"I can see that Ron is here, thank you, James."

"Mum, can I go flying?"

"Well, I suppose that would be alright," said Ginny resignedly.

James ran over to the window, threw it open, and jumped out. Then, Albus proceeded to follow the butterflies straight out of the window as well. They drifted past the window. Her sons were flying, _without_ brooms.

She couldn't believe it.

"Come on, Al, second star to the right and straight on 'till morning!"

"James Sirius and Albus Severus Potter, YOU COME BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!" Ginny turned in time to see Hermione carrying a basket of fruit and vegetables, closely followed by a confused looking Hugo and Rose.

"Ronald, we were_ not_ done discussing the potato!" Hermione yelled at a terrified Ron.

"Hi, Aunt Ginny," Hugo said happily. "Did we just see James and Al fly off to Neverneverland?"

Ginny looked around the room and saw a most …disturbing sight. Ron and Hermione were arguing about a potato; Rose and Hugo were watching her sons fly off to Merlin knows where; Lily was popping in and out of the closet like a coo-coo clock; and her husband – her _husband_ –was currently clutching his one eyed fluff ball dearly, and rocking back and forth as if swaying a baby to sleep.

"Harry, take your thumb out of your mouth, _right now!_" she cried, though it was the farthest thing from her mind.

"Look, I've found them!" Luna said rushing in. "I've finally found the nargles!" She began to gesture wildly at Al and James.

_Wait a second,_ Ginny thought, _when did _Luna_ get here?_

"Ginny, don't just stand there!" Luna exclaimed excitedly, "take a picture! Quick!"

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" Ginny screeched, reaching for her hair to pull it out.

Suddenly, Ginny jerked out of her deep sleep in a sweat.

"What – where – _huh?_"

"Ginny, are you alright? You look horribly pale," Harry said concernedly.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," she stated in a rush glancing around. "It was just a dream," she mumbled to herself. "Wait…Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you have a teddy bear?"

"Teddy bear – wha – Ginny, I'm twenty-nine years old!"

"Right, right. Nothing, nothing."

"Okay, Gin. Get some sleep."

"Just one more thing, Harry."

"Yes, Gin?"

"What's a glue gun?"

O.o

**FIN**

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A/N:** Well - creeped out yet? TELL US HOW MUCH!!


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